Now the center is kicking me out. They say that I violated the 8 week restriction even though I had permission and signed in and out. It's just that they want to get rid of me. First they try to make things hard on me so I'll leave. When that didn't work they invented a reason to kick me out. They used this blog to send me to a psych ward which lasted 1 weekend. They claimed they had to. they for some reason couldn't have talked to me about it. In short it wasted a doctors time and mine. Now although  they have given me 30 days and I have told them that I'll leave in 4. They, I bet will find some reason to kick me out today. John is just playing favorites and making this his own private fiefdom. It's sad but I was getting out any way. I have stayed long enough to get my teeth repairs started and had my other needed operation. All that was left for me to do was find housing and I have a housing voucher on the 3rd. I need to get someone to take me to that appointment which will be problematic s once I leave here I won't have a phone.

Here is a short list of the things and ways the Day Shift try's to hurt or impede me in and others in various ways.
1. When I got here I was denied a blanket, I had to wait until second shift came on and ask them for one which they had no problem providing.
2. Virtually everything I do is watched and if I do anything wrong I'm caught (this is specific to me as are others in this list)
3. I was initially put in a room with a known trouble maker even though there were entirely empty room available.
4. If I ask the Director (forever more referred to as John or asshat) a question he often just ignores me. In some cases this has caused me problems in that I needed information like the question "will you take me to the hospital for emergency surgery?" really merits a reply. However I was left to worry whether I had a ride or not.
5. When I have said things like This or that wasn't done because you hate me to John he has as usual ignored me. I can only conclude that he has a personal hatred of all of us and me in particular.
6. Rachel (one of the day shift teachers) tried to cause me to be in trouble by saying I wasn't participating. She did this by not giving me the assignment and then skipping over me as the assignment was done in class. I got a copy of the assignment and commented what she had done.
Later she was telling Asshat and Amy (Enemy) about her attempt and Amy commented that I "would not fall for that" I found this as it was reported back to me to be particularly distressing in that it demonstrated that they (The Day Shift) reward each other for harming me and by extension others here.
7. Enemy took me to the library as a way to cover the 2 hours a week I have to spend with her. Then the next week knowing that I am restricted to the facility she declined to take me back to the library when she discovered that I had checked out DVD's that were overdue. I waited until Thursday when 2nd shift was taking all of us to Walmart which is near the library, to try to return that DVD's. However, I was thwarted by apparent rules from on high that the 2nd shift could not deviate from their specific trip to Walmart. There could be no stops along the way. I went but the time limit imposed was such that I could not walk to the Library in time allotted.
8. I discovered that there were many resources that could help those of us at the center by simply giving us wifi. We could look for jobs, housing, get videos related to the classes we are in and many more things. John lied to me and told me that Mountain comp would not allow us to have wifi due to security risks. This must be untrue because the staff has an internal "hidden network" which is obvious to everyone.
9. Asshat lectured all over us after inspecting our rooms. He stated that he was concerned that some of us were too comfortable. He also seemed to take issue with some of us purchasing large TV's (which we later need in our apartments) that were nicer then the one he owned. SO as a first step in his new policy that being "you are supposed to be comfortable but not too comfortable"> He would start enforcing the Rulebook rule that we are not to be allowed into our rooms if we lock ourselves out until 6pm. This was wrong in some many ways: 1st Many of us have just come off the streets are traumatized by the experience. We need time just to decompress from the trauma and are apt to be forgetful as a result we should in no way be hurt further. 2. He stated that If you lost your key in your own place you would have to wait for your landlord to come and even pay for it. This is incorrect and any intelligent person knows that that if they rent a place that has onsite staff that are paid for out of your rent there is no delay or further cost to being locked out. Additionally one could hide a key or leave a window unlocked or give a key to a neighbor, etc the point is there are many ways to solve the problem of being locked out. What really makes this worse is the rule he is enforcing isn't even in the handbook/rulebook!


It is clear that the day shift staff and the director in particular play favorites and actively try to hurt the people they are supposed to be trying to help.

God is unconscious or he is not looking eg not omniscient

Why God is not what we believe him to be

(God is unconscious or he is not looking eg not omniscient)

First I have to explain about the "double slit experiment". Start with a very sensitive controller for a light or electron beam and shine it towards 2 slits rather close together. Let the light that comes through the slits shine on a back panel. The result you see is as pattern of black and white bands indicative of a wave with some photons falling together in the white band(eg adding together) while in the dark band the particles have canceled each other out (eg subtracting together). This is well known and even expected, but what happens when we slow down the number of "light packets" called photons (or single electrons if you are using an electron gun) until you are firing just 1 electron or 1 photon? Well nothing changes you still see a wave. This begs the question what interfered with the single photon/electron? Being a rather smart experimenter you ask the question what slit did the photon/electron go through? So you place a detector over 1 of the slits and magically that pattern of wavy lines is gone and in it's place is a shotgun pattern consistent with a random number of dots hitting the screen is in it's place.

After a long boring discussion about the nature of consciousness and where the hell it is or is not. We end up concluding that consciousness caused the change in the experiment. This means that if a conscious mind observes something in a quantum state of Bi-location (this being in many places at once) the waveform collapses into a particular particle and single position.

So if an all knowing deity is observing us and all things all events are known to him etc. Then this deities consciousness must have the same effect as if you or I were looking at it. Since the wave is not collapsed we can conclude that God is not watching or God is not conscious.

12-20-18

Here we go again yesterday I had my first official VA paid Dental appointment. SO I'm on my way!
Monday I went to Amy (enemy) and ask her if she could take me to the library again as I had two dvd's that I checked out and were overdue. She said she could  not but that another staff might take me. Ok so when someone goes to take a client somewhere near the library I tell Damietta that I need to leave to drop off the DVD's. She says she has to ask (enemy) who says that I have to do it after 3PM
Well, Of course I can't get anyone to take me after 3pm and I am restricted to the grounds unless staff takes me. SO I wait until today, Thurs and ask the staff to take me by the library to drop of the DVD's when we go to Walmart (which I am allowed to do as it is a scheduled function). They say they cannot take me by the library. The Fines are now 28 dollars and go up by 4 dollars each day.
So Amy (enemy) is happy as she has hemmed me up by taking me somewhere and letting me check out books then not allowing me to return them. This I s the norm for the center first shift staff. On Tuesday the staff member Rebecca that teaches the TRP class that I MUST attend form 9 to 3 each day passed out handouts to be done and skipped me when I ask her for one she wouldn't give me one. So I took one and wrote that she made a lame attempt to hem me up by saying that I wasn't participating.
So Yesterday predictably, they took me to my dental appointment and then wouldn't pick me back up. I was 15 mins away and it took them with two vans and drivers 2 and 1/2 hours to get me.
This is why I canceled all my medical appointments and Never ask them to take me anywhere they are not taking others. They once took me to a medical appointment and never returned to get me after 3 hours I paid Sandy Valley to take me back. If they can in any way by trickery or by out right not doing their jobs cause me distress they will. It's sad really. But over time it makes me want to kill myself.

12-16-18

12-16-18

Well, deceit and trickery once again win the fucking Day!! I accidentally took 1 to many lyrica so now they are going to use that probably coupled with me failing a UA for siboxone and they will either kick me out immediately or in 30 days . I don't actually know how much ibuprophan it will take to kill me but I will see if I have enough whenever I get my frigg'n WIFI installed as I am not sure if I have enough. Otherwise I'll have to use my knife it will be messy but I atleast won't be the one to have to clean it up. What really kills me is that Coach (Rodney) signed off on it. He knows I always ask him if I can take another before I take it and he said yes. That means that he deliberately threw me under the bus. Something must have motivated him to do this. So Rodney gets credit for getting rid of me and that helps him with John. I really thought Rodney was my friend and it hurts to find out that he wasn't, I will hold on until tomorrow then I'll decide. So if the Christian group I reached out to fails me and they kick me out on the spot. Then I'll just commit suicide.

I'm just not sure if I want to go on I think that going to tenn would be nice. I don't think I can get the money together to get in a place before I'm kicked out of here. I will just plan on being kicked out when what I really want to do is die. I see no reason to go on. Sure there are a few things I'd like to accomplish that I won't have done but believe I'll be satisfied with that.

I will hope that I can get wifi turned on then I can find out if what I have will be enough to do the job. I hate having to be patient.

I kinda wanted Ethel because she and I get along so well. But I think she is happy where she is so I don't want her to have to choose between me and Duane. Why would I want to drag someone into the kind of nightmare my life has been recently?

I'm gonna take enough stuff to knock me out now and I'll be groggy in the morning when all this shit will happen.

12-14-18

12-14-18

Well, I slept alot and got up still sick. Monday I'll go have another tooth pulled. I don't recall thinking about suicide. But my plans are in place. There is only one thing I want to do and that is write and publish this book.

I will have wifi tomorrow.

Yepi

Hooray/Hoora

12-13-18

12-13-18

I have survived another day. I went to the library. I was told that Laura from the VA wanted to have me charged with destruction of gov't property and kicked out immediately, John (great humanitarian that he is) saved me by just getting it reduced to never letting me use a computer again. And the guy that I thought was my "friend" took the position that I should not have fixed that damn thing as well. I have to use him to get myself wifi so I will But if the chance ever arises for me to fuck him I will. I mean it's only right. So he isn't gonna care when I give him this 40 bucks and he uses it to get high and I subsequently tell on him as it's the "right" thing to do. He knows not to smoke dope FGS. Lol, I'll do it in private and he won't know I ratted him out! But I'll have wifi and he'll have a behavior contract.

After this piece of shit action by john, I really want to commit suicide again. All I lack is the stuff to do it. I have a rather small knife which I think I can use, but it would take too much time and I'd probably be found, I want to buy the research chemicals I need tomorrow. I'll get coach to let me use the computer and then I will get the stuff I need. It'll probably get me kind of high then I'll go to sleep. What I don't want to happen is me hugging the toilet puking my guts out! So now my plan is in place. But on the survival side of this equation is I am paying someone to have wifi installed for me in his name since I can't go there.

This is going to be close. Between me getting my RC's or my wifi. I intend to use which ever I get first.

12-12-18

12-12-18

SO far today I was left alone by the staff. That may be because there is nothing more for them to take. I have to wait until 5pm for my meds as I won't go to the day shift for anything. I wrote a list of what I want to be sure to express to Laura (John's boss). It comes to one page. I'll not repeat it here as I have ranted all I want to about How I'm being told on and fucked by the staff and to some degree by those that live here. I'm in a great degree of pain today I have an abscess returning on my gum. It's probably because the original abscess was improperly drained. Well not probably, it was as I used my pocket knife to open it up a few weeks ago.

I watched a Linda Moulton Howe video today. It claimed to tell about the alien agenda but as it turns out was just a sales pitch for one of LMH's books. I should think that after 30 years and several books she would have made enough money. Ah well it's my mistake to assume that people have good or altruistic intentions. By and large they really don't and I would be right more often to start with the assumption that people no matter what they seem like are actually selfish, greedy, and evil. Once I get back on my feet and get the hell out of here I promise to start trying to see the good in the world again. I guess if I were to look for a bright spot. Today so far I haven't been focused on killing myself. It's not much but at least it is something...

I went to the grocery store today and spent way too much. But It made me happy. I also go my Xtra-pc PC reviver... I so want to try it out on one of these broken laptops but they are not mine so I have to wait. I try to find little things that give me pleasure. I really enjoy a cup of coffee and a cigarette in the morning. I Bought myself some concord grape soda and I really enjoyed a bottle of it. I know it's not much to others it might even appear trite but for me it is a start. Oh I also signed the "sliding-scale" billing forms at the dentists. this means that they will work with me and I think I can get all my top teeth pulled and get a good denture. I am so dreading having to wear a denture but I have no choice and I will look so much better with teeth. This also means that I no longer need to be here. I can leave. All I lack now is money. So I will have to weigh the cost of staying here against the possible gains.

Staying here saves me money. maybe 600-800/month. I spent too much this month I bought all sorts of stuff I spent 300 on food alone. I also spent atleast that much on siboxone. I also spent 300 upgrading my computer. so that was 900 I have around 100 left so I have 200 I cannot account for I probably went for coffee cigarettes and junk food. well I spent 79 on pants and a belt and bought 100 on DVDs and earphones so I have 100 left and I want to spend it on getting wifi. Without wifi I cannot stay here. With it I can stay and be comfortable enough that I can afford to wait on the apartment I want. i have to save the money up to get a deposit and first months rent and then the deposits and such for my utilities and cable. Just buying the furniture alone will be a thousand.

I'm going to have to think long and hard about this. Right now I've been taking it day by day just trying not to commit suicide. I don't think I can take too much more. I'm fragile right now and I'm afraid of what I might do if I get hurt any more. But, today I didn't wish and fantasize about dying. That's a start.

12-11-18

12-11-18

Well, today has really sucked so far. I was up all night with tooth that was abccessed and I was in aweful pain. I went to the dentist and had it cut out. Meanwhile the staff here is busy trying to make me as miserable as possible. They found out that I got on the computer this morning (which I did to tell my friends that I couldn't talk to them any more) I need to do a few things and so I did. Well, they had a fit I was bucking their little fiefdom! Oh fucking well. I gues people like john and the rest like the feeling of lording over those that are hurting curring favor with those that they like and fucking the rest. Examples are Ryan who ratted on me for cleaning the computer. He likes to get high every day. As a reward for hurting me he was given his own one man room. Then Jimmy the alcoholic who was caught with an empty bottle of narcotics and beer cans in his room, and goes off with Dexter everyday and drinks, he was moved to a room with no one there. He got caught when I got caught but he just got a slap on the wrist and is now rewarded with a room by himself while I have to have a roomate and was given the maximum penalty for my actions (taking a bottle of lyrica that was going to be disposed of as I now get a high dosage).

I just told them that I am going to go lay down. I know that when john gets here he will come to try to make things just a little harder on me. I know this already.

Well John cam and left. Nothing happened. Yet. But now Coach "Ronald" is being aloof I guess he acted like he was angery. I said hi and he didn't say anything then I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea and he was looking everywhere but at me. I gotta say that hurts my feelings. I considered him a friend.

I almost fucked up and told a known tattel-tail that I was considering ending it... But I didn't. I really don't want to be locked up with a buch of pysch patients.

I decided last night, as I was going to sleep that I was being mean and unhelpful discrediting other religions. If I do that I will just be hurting people who are lost/trapped in their belief systems. It serves no purpose because under my paradigm there are no consequences there is no reward system. so if I take awaay thier beliefs I leave them with nothing (but the truth).

SO if I don't kill myself here in the next few days (or even today) then I'll go ahead and sritw about what I believe to be true. It's not enough to make a book unfortunately, maybe a website though. Anyway I'll write it down here on this computer so it will have a chance of surviving me.

Since I have to dream up a short title I'll make it The Nature Of Existance.....

What I think is about to happen is John is going to use the "random" UAs to kick me out by testing me and saying I'm hot for siboxone. Then I would guess that he is going to play it like I am damaging someones recovery by taking the siboxone and so he will kick me out on the spot. If he is feeling generous he will give me a 30 day notice. But, I really doubt it, as he knows that in 30 days I'd have what I need namely My dental paid by the va. I'm sure that he is working hard towards making me not attain my goals. I know this in advance because he has moved that drug addict Ryan into his own room and has already promised Brian his own room. He can't give Brian a single at the moment but he can give him a room without a roomate which is nearly as good. Also he will be further motovated to give brian a room after Brian goes to him yet again about his arrangements here. Ofcourse he could just move me to say Jimmy's room. He could do that but that is against his nature which is to hold grudges and behave in petty ways.

Course Brian is trying to make life hard on me too by cranking the heat up and sleeping without blankets unlike a normal person.

12-1018

Dec 10th

Well, there is good and very bad today. I Got my birth certificate. I delivered my bank statements and BC to the places it was needed. I also, got an ID. I still need to check if I can get a drivers liscense. I keep trying to help and getting fucked for doing so. Today the only working computer was coming off and on. The reason, it was overheating due to poor maintence. So I took the cover off and cleaned it out for this I was writen up. The director (from now on I'll just call the asshat John) tried to get me to sign a document that stated that I would only be allowed to use the computer under supervision. This is effectively, never. John knows how much I depend on the computer and he is doing this delibrately to hurt me. As if I don't hurt enough!!! I refused to sign the document and will talk to laura about it. Meanwhile, I have been calling and calling that veterans ministry that said they would help me. They have not answered their phone. They promised to help me get to TN and to get a place to live. I talked to Munrow for hours as we rode to TN and back. I even told him that I was seriously considering ending my life because I'm here. He acted like and talked like he understood and then he quit answering his phone. So I have no hope.... I have to buy the research chemical I need tonight while I am still in the grey area as far as using the computer goes. I every day make sure an aging vet here has something to eat and today since I had not seen him come out of his room in days. I spent a couple hours with him watching DvDs. I also, used the grill and made grilled burgers and fries for everyone. I will after I write this, go and take care of whatever chore I have today. Then, I'm going to bed. When the next bad thing comes and I have the RC I ordered I'll use it to OD. I've had enough of this childish nonsense I'd rather die then stay here. And it's because of John making my life miserable. I really hope that one day that evil moron gets fired and replaced by a more empathetic director. Oh and I met another girl online. It's really not worth mentioning as she hasn't passed my test. She is one of those women that just pops on and then starts calling me honey etc. I know. If she doesn't pass the test then she's not real. I know this but for a second it was nice to have hope. Hope that someone actually wanted me. They don't they NEVER will. Hell I've been on face book for 7 or more years now and never has even one of the probably hundreds of women that have chatted with me been real. And the last time that I got involved with a FB woman it hurt me deeply just because I didn't enforce the rules. Oh what are the rules? well you have to have an actual timeline for 1 then you have to tell me your address and give me your phone number so I can call you right away. To be fair I will provide my address and phone number from the start just to show that I am who I say I am. Not a single one of all those women that have chatted with me, have they ever been willing to do those two simple things. What it should do is piss-me-off but instead I internalize that shit. I look at it as a pretty woman thinks that I'll fall all over myself if she just types something complementary to me. Usually I catch on from the start since I will go look at her profile and see if she really posts stuff and I'll also look at her friends list if it is filled with old ugly guys like me then there's a problem.

I guess it's high time that I grew up and accepted the facts. There is not a single woman out there that will ever want me. I tried on POF (Plenty Of Fish) I did the questionairs, I looked at all the women and sent out maybe 12 chat requests. I also tried just today to send two requests and was told that the person only accepts requests from certain people (and apparently I'm not one of them). Even that kind of rejection hurts especiallty if the woman I am trying to chat with shares many of the same interests that I do. I think Wow! what a great fit only to be rejected she won't even read my request. Out of 12 requests I got no reply. And yet I still want to try. I need to stop trying and resign myself to having a life alone.

I have been offered a place to stay with a couple that I know. I have helped them and they (well actually he/Duane) never did what he said he would. He still wants me to come stay with him and his Girlfriend. I don't want to do that because I know that it would end up with me paying all the bills and having ot scrounge for food and stuff. I don't want that. I also have a problem in that I'm attracted to Ethel (his girlfriend) and I think if i lived with them I might have a chance. Once again I'm decieving myself. I do not have a chance. Ethel has made it very clear that she loves Duane. She has even said that she took advantage of older men in the past. SO at best I could expect to be manipulated by her. She will never want me if she did she would have made it clear on one of the occasions that we shared time alone. A woman decides if she wnats you usually within the first 5 minutes. If she wants you she knows. And that hurts too because she rejected me. But I've been down this road before, many times in fact it is about the only way that I have ever even managed to have a girlfriend at all was buy having something that she wanted (money a place to live or something). As I reflect back that has been the case with my last 3 girlfriends. Each has taken me used me and eventually left me. What I told myself was that the power relationship was just wrong but that is BS and I know it. The deal is I bought them for a short time until they could get on their feet and then they left me for some dumbass that can't even help them. That "dumbass" was better looking then me and the critical difference was that he didn't have to give them anything like I did. They chose that guy in some cases they even did it right infront of me.

I have been devastated by these "love" affairs. They are the single greatest reason for my problems. Wanting those girls has led me down many a dark path and emptied my pockets more times then I can count. If I am to survive it has to stop. I make enopugh to support myself ok not well but OK. I enjoy reading, and listening to books, I like to smoke weed and eat or play a game or watch a show.

So, now that i've identified the problem what am I going to do about it?

1. Stop sending friend requests to new woman just based on their looks

2. No matter how good the girl looks or how much you can relate to her Don't send a friend request

3. If She sends you a request out of the blue Don't accept it!

4. If I meet a girl on the street and she needs help either just give her some cash or just ignore her plight. Don't offer her a place to stay.

5. Drop POF. It doesn't help you find anyone all it does is allows you to feel rejected over and over again. It's sick so stop it!

6. And finally Drop ties with your Exe's. Yes you loved them with all your heart in the past but they just used you and hurt you so why in the world are you still friends with them? Stop that crazy shit. I know they break up with Fabio again and then invite you back and you have come back before. How'd that work out? The idea here is to avoid thing's that hurt you.

If I can find a way to stay here long enough to find a place and get my health in shape I can make a life of sorts for myself. yes it will be lonely at times but hurting yourself over and over again doesn't help you and your life is just as lonely after you have tried and got rejected again so why not just stop the behavior that is causing the pain? Maybe find the things that you enjoy and just concentrate on getting and doing those things.

I know I'm going to be sad for a moment as I try to accept this that's ok just as long as I get up tomarrow and move towards my goals.

12-09-18

It's now december. I am on restriction, 8 weeks of being restricted to the facility. I am also getting "random" weekly UAs. I will be hot for siboxone but that's it. Right now I am still hot for weed but that will change. I haven't smoked any in a while. I really need it. I did meet a resource that may help me. If I choose to go on living then I want to go to tennesse. However, I have never had good fortune come my way so I doubt that I'll actually get the help I need. Rather, I think I'll probably either be kicked out with nowhere to go or I'll be given a 30 day notice.... I don't know what for yet but There always seems to be something/someone that thwarts my happiness. It's like I have to go through hell and suffer in terrible pain the whole time. Well unfortunately, I now know about life after death (I think... rather believe). It is my belief that consciousness extends beyond the body, beyond the realm of matter. I need to plan for my demise. There is one thing, I usually get a bit of advanced warning about bad things that are about to happen to me in the form of de ja vue. I haven't had that yet. Nonetheless I shall go ahead and buy U4888 for like 40 bucks. That will be enough that I can easily OD. From what I've seen of herion ODs they seem to be loving there "high" even though it's killing them. I wish to finish my book before I go, I am even on a dating site. It's my shy way of reaching out. It also, is a big stick I use to beat myself with. The chances of any woman actually showing and interest is me are so vanishingly small that they are not even worth calculating It did make me feel good that two of my ex's asked me to come back! haha! That is never going to happen again. They cheated on me even threw me out over wanting someone else. Now, they are alone and sorry for the way they treated me. There was a time I would have run back especially because I was deeply in love with both of them. I have fallen out of love with them in the year I've been away from WV. Speaking of WV. I hate it! There is not a single thing that I give a fuck about in WV. I hate their whimpy little "cities" and their tiny "moutains" which they think are big. Their highest mountain is 3000 feet below my hometown. The people there are useless mouth breathers. Anyway I'm tired now and this ent\ry is long enough.

11-28-18

11-28-18

Well they are making life for me very hard and I knew they would. It's to some degree a credit to the degree of apathy that I have for all mankind and the people here in particular that I got in trouble. I wanted to help the people down the street so i stole my bottle of lyrica that were to be thrown out as I have a new Higher dose to take. I got caught. I was also caught smoking pot in a very unrandom UA. OK I did that, pot helps me control the constant pain. All I need is to stay here long enough to get my teeth fixed. The only reason that I am staying alive is to finish my book lame attempt that it is at addressing the problems caused by religious memes. Memes I might add that were created to control us by agents not from our world. I feel compelled to speak out. I however, doubt that I'll be heard. I have a place to go if I have to. I want to get wifi here so I can get some work done. Using the centers computers means I can't bookmark or clip research as I do it and doing everything with paper will take forever. SO I'll hang on until monday and then I'll get the damn WIFI on and buy a printer and better keyboard. I really hate this sloppy one. SO I am upgrading my ram to 16GB for 200.00 and getting wifi for about 300.00 I will also need to buy a printer. I think I can get a suitable one for about 50.00. I am becomming more and more depressed. I've got to fight it.

Here's what kills me I know now that even if I studied physics for the rest of my life I would never know the answer. Our physics is wrong and we know it's wrong eg GR cannot be melded with QM. I'm not smart enough to figure out what the right physics is but the skunk works has and they have leaked that they know. So for now I'll just try to learn all I can about emergence theory. I also think that I'd like to experiment with high voltage high frequency coils and the like. There is something there like a key to higher dimensions. I also think that certain frequencies can have effects on us like maybe they could promote healing if driven with enough power. I am no medical person or biologist to be sure but it something that interests me. If memory serves i think the freq is like 437Hz for positive health effects.

I think there is something to the vmana crafts that the hindus told us about but their myths are not the engineering we need to actually build a craft from. SO I think that high pressure Hg exposed to rotating magnetic fields may actually be the way to erase intertia/gravity (whatever gravity is). Alas that's not for me to rediscover and I am afraid that anyone that stumbles upon it is quietly erased. I'll work on other things.

Anyway those are my thougths for today.

Today I went to the social security office. I got some stuff done and the upside is I'll be getting about 200.00 more a month.

I should be happy but instead I'm sad. I really have just been telling myself that soon I think I'll comit suicide. I'm gonna buy u4880 (4880 replaces 4770 or "pink") and have enough to OD of it. I just don't want to go on. I had a few things I wanted to do but the desire has faded.

I'm tired of being someone elses experiment. I'm tired of being poor. I'm tired of being treated like shit. I think I'll just end this stupid quest when I know I can have the answers I seek elsewhere.