12-16-18

12-16-18

Well, deceit and trickery once again win the fucking Day!! I accidentally took 1 to many lyrica so now they are going to use that probably coupled with me failing a UA for siboxone and they will either kick me out immediately or in 30 days . I don't actually know how much ibuprophan it will take to kill me but I will see if I have enough whenever I get my frigg'n WIFI installed as I am not sure if I have enough. Otherwise I'll have to use my knife it will be messy but I atleast won't be the one to have to clean it up. What really kills me is that Coach (Rodney) signed off on it. He knows I always ask him if I can take another before I take it and he said yes. That means that he deliberately threw me under the bus. Something must have motivated him to do this. So Rodney gets credit for getting rid of me and that helps him with John. I really thought Rodney was my friend and it hurts to find out that he wasn't, I will hold on until tomorrow then I'll decide. So if the Christian group I reached out to fails me and they kick me out on the spot. Then I'll just commit suicide.

I'm just not sure if I want to go on I think that going to tenn would be nice. I don't think I can get the money together to get in a place before I'm kicked out of here. I will just plan on being kicked out when what I really want to do is die. I see no reason to go on. Sure there are a few things I'd like to accomplish that I won't have done but believe I'll be satisfied with that.

I will hope that I can get wifi turned on then I can find out if what I have will be enough to do the job. I hate having to be patient.

I kinda wanted Ethel because she and I get along so well. But I think she is happy where she is so I don't want her to have to choose between me and Duane. Why would I want to drag someone into the kind of nightmare my life has been recently?

I'm gonna take enough stuff to knock me out now and I'll be groggy in the morning when all this shit will happen.