11-28-18

11-28-18

Well they are making life for me very hard and I knew they would. It's to some degree a credit to the degree of apathy that I have for all mankind and the people here in particular that I got in trouble. I wanted to help the people down the street so i stole my bottle of lyrica that were to be thrown out as I have a new Higher dose to take. I got caught. I was also caught smoking pot in a very unrandom UA. OK I did that, pot helps me control the constant pain. All I need is to stay here long enough to get my teeth fixed. The only reason that I am staying alive is to finish my book lame attempt that it is at addressing the problems caused by religious memes. Memes I might add that were created to control us by agents not from our world. I feel compelled to speak out. I however, doubt that I'll be heard. I have a place to go if I have to. I want to get wifi here so I can get some work done. Using the centers computers means I can't bookmark or clip research as I do it and doing everything with paper will take forever. SO I'll hang on until monday and then I'll get the damn WIFI on and buy a printer and better keyboard. I really hate this sloppy one. SO I am upgrading my ram to 16GB for 200.00 and getting wifi for about 300.00 I will also need to buy a printer. I think I can get a suitable one for about 50.00. I am becomming more and more depressed. I've got to fight it.

Here's what kills me I know now that even if I studied physics for the rest of my life I would never know the answer. Our physics is wrong and we know it's wrong eg GR cannot be melded with QM. I'm not smart enough to figure out what the right physics is but the skunk works has and they have leaked that they know. So for now I'll just try to learn all I can about emergence theory. I also think that I'd like to experiment with high voltage high frequency coils and the like. There is something there like a key to higher dimensions. I also think that certain frequencies can have effects on us like maybe they could promote healing if driven with enough power. I am no medical person or biologist to be sure but it something that interests me. If memory serves i think the freq is like 437Hz for positive health effects.

I think there is something to the vmana crafts that the hindus told us about but their myths are not the engineering we need to actually build a craft from. SO I think that high pressure Hg exposed to rotating magnetic fields may actually be the way to erase intertia/gravity (whatever gravity is). Alas that's not for me to rediscover and I am afraid that anyone that stumbles upon it is quietly erased. I'll work on other things.

Anyway those are my thougths for today.

Today I went to the social security office. I got some stuff done and the upside is I'll be getting about 200.00 more a month.

I should be happy but instead I'm sad. I really have just been telling myself that soon I think I'll comit suicide. I'm gonna buy u4880 (4880 replaces 4770 or "pink") and have enough to OD of it. I just don't want to go on. I had a few things I wanted to do but the desire has faded.

I'm tired of being someone elses experiment. I'm tired of being poor. I'm tired of being treated like shit. I think I'll just end this stupid quest when I know I can have the answers I seek elsewhere.