Destiny didn't last very long she's been gone for a day now but she's not picked up her stuff yet. I sincerely hope she does. I had a nice chat with my roommate. He and I get along pretty well but his GF really doesn't like me and pulls a lot of passive aggressive BS. I think that cleave and her will eventually break up as she is treating him pretty bad and they are living virtually on top of each other. I hope that when I get some more funds I'll be able to buy a living room set and then Cleave will be able to come out here and get out of his room.
Sunday, October 11, 2020
Friday, October 9, 2020
New guest
I have a new guest staying with me. She has stayed here before. I doubt that I'm going to allow myself to be used in this way for long. Already It's pissed me off. I have been trying really hard to stop hating this world and all the asshats that populate it. I recognize that my hate only hurts me. It is worth noting that when I was really deeply hating on the planet 🌏 Is exactly when the covid hit. I don't think I alone am so powerful that I could cause such a horrible thing but my negative energy ⚡ certainly did help matters any.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Now the center is kicking me out. They say that I violated the 8 week restriction even though I had permission and signed in and out. It's just that they want to get rid of me. First they try to make things hard on me so I'll leave. When that didn't work they invented a reason to kick me out. They used this blog to send me to a psych ward which lasted 1 weekend. They claimed they had to. they for some reason couldn't have talked to me about it. In short it wasted a doctors time and mine. Now although they have given me 30 days and I have told them that I'll leave in 4. They, I bet will find some reason to kick me out today. John is just playing favorites and making this his own private fiefdom. It's sad but I was getting out any way. I have stayed long enough to get my teeth repairs started and had my other needed operation. All that was left for me to do was find housing and I have a housing voucher on the 3rd. I need to get someone to take me to that appointment which will be problematic s once I leave here I won't have a phone.
Friday, December 21, 2018
Here is a short list of the things and ways the Day Shift try's to hurt or impede me in and others in various ways.
1. When I got here I was denied a blanket, I had to wait until second shift came on and ask them for one which they had no problem providing.
2. Virtually everything I do is watched and if I do anything wrong I'm caught (this is specific to me as are others in this list)
3. I was initially put in a room with a known trouble maker even though there were entirely empty room available.
4. If I ask the Director (forever more referred to as John or asshat) a question he often just ignores me. In some cases this has caused me problems in that I needed information like the question "will you take me to the hospital for emergency surgery?" really merits a reply. However I was left to worry whether I had a ride or not.
5. When I have said things like This or that wasn't done because you hate me to John he has as usual ignored me. I can only conclude that he has a personal hatred of all of us and me in particular.
6. Rachel (one of the day shift teachers) tried to cause me to be in trouble by saying I wasn't participating. She did this by not giving me the assignment and then skipping over me as the assignment was done in class. I got a copy of the assignment and commented what she had done.
Later she was telling Asshat and Amy (Enemy) about her attempt and Amy commented that I "would not fall for that" I found this as it was reported back to me to be particularly distressing in that it demonstrated that they (The Day Shift) reward each other for harming me and by extension others here.
7. Enemy took me to the library as a way to cover the 2 hours a week I have to spend with her. Then the next week knowing that I am restricted to the facility she declined to take me back to the library when she discovered that I had checked out DVD's that were overdue. I waited until Thursday when 2nd shift was taking all of us to Walmart which is near the library, to try to return that DVD's. However, I was thwarted by apparent rules from on high that the 2nd shift could not deviate from their specific trip to Walmart. There could be no stops along the way. I went but the time limit imposed was such that I could not walk to the Library in time allotted.
8. I discovered that there were many resources that could help those of us at the center by simply giving us wifi. We could look for jobs, housing, get videos related to the classes we are in and many more things. John lied to me and told me that Mountain comp would not allow us to have wifi due to security risks. This must be untrue because the staff has an internal "hidden network" which is obvious to everyone.
9. Asshat lectured all over us after inspecting our rooms. He stated that he was concerned that some of us were too comfortable. He also seemed to take issue with some of us purchasing large TV's (which we later need in our apartments) that were nicer then the one he owned. SO as a first step in his new policy that being "you are supposed to be comfortable but not too comfortable"> He would start enforcing the Rulebook rule that we are not to be allowed into our rooms if we lock ourselves out until 6pm. This was wrong in some many ways: 1st Many of us have just come off the streets are traumatized by the experience. We need time just to decompress from the trauma and are apt to be forgetful as a result we should in no way be hurt further. 2. He stated that If you lost your key in your own place you would have to wait for your landlord to come and even pay for it. This is incorrect and any intelligent person knows that that if they rent a place that has onsite staff that are paid for out of your rent there is no delay or further cost to being locked out. Additionally one could hide a key or leave a window unlocked or give a key to a neighbor, etc the point is there are many ways to solve the problem of being locked out. What really makes this worse is the rule he is enforcing isn't even in the handbook/rulebook!
It is clear that the day shift staff and the director in particular play favorites and actively try to hurt the people they are supposed to be trying to help.
1. When I got here I was denied a blanket, I had to wait until second shift came on and ask them for one which they had no problem providing.
2. Virtually everything I do is watched and if I do anything wrong I'm caught (this is specific to me as are others in this list)
3. I was initially put in a room with a known trouble maker even though there were entirely empty room available.
4. If I ask the Director (forever more referred to as John or asshat) a question he often just ignores me. In some cases this has caused me problems in that I needed information like the question "will you take me to the hospital for emergency surgery?" really merits a reply. However I was left to worry whether I had a ride or not.
5. When I have said things like This or that wasn't done because you hate me to John he has as usual ignored me. I can only conclude that he has a personal hatred of all of us and me in particular.
6. Rachel (one of the day shift teachers) tried to cause me to be in trouble by saying I wasn't participating. She did this by not giving me the assignment and then skipping over me as the assignment was done in class. I got a copy of the assignment and commented what she had done.
Later she was telling Asshat and Amy (Enemy) about her attempt and Amy commented that I "would not fall for that" I found this as it was reported back to me to be particularly distressing in that it demonstrated that they (The Day Shift) reward each other for harming me and by extension others here.
7. Enemy took me to the library as a way to cover the 2 hours a week I have to spend with her. Then the next week knowing that I am restricted to the facility she declined to take me back to the library when she discovered that I had checked out DVD's that were overdue. I waited until Thursday when 2nd shift was taking all of us to Walmart which is near the library, to try to return that DVD's. However, I was thwarted by apparent rules from on high that the 2nd shift could not deviate from their specific trip to Walmart. There could be no stops along the way. I went but the time limit imposed was such that I could not walk to the Library in time allotted.
8. I discovered that there were many resources that could help those of us at the center by simply giving us wifi. We could look for jobs, housing, get videos related to the classes we are in and many more things. John lied to me and told me that Mountain comp would not allow us to have wifi due to security risks. This must be untrue because the staff has an internal "hidden network" which is obvious to everyone.
9. Asshat lectured all over us after inspecting our rooms. He stated that he was concerned that some of us were too comfortable. He also seemed to take issue with some of us purchasing large TV's (which we later need in our apartments) that were nicer then the one he owned. SO as a first step in his new policy that being "you are supposed to be comfortable but not too comfortable"> He would start enforcing the Rulebook rule that we are not to be allowed into our rooms if we lock ourselves out until 6pm. This was wrong in some many ways: 1st Many of us have just come off the streets are traumatized by the experience. We need time just to decompress from the trauma and are apt to be forgetful as a result we should in no way be hurt further. 2. He stated that If you lost your key in your own place you would have to wait for your landlord to come and even pay for it. This is incorrect and any intelligent person knows that that if they rent a place that has onsite staff that are paid for out of your rent there is no delay or further cost to being locked out. Additionally one could hide a key or leave a window unlocked or give a key to a neighbor, etc the point is there are many ways to solve the problem of being locked out. What really makes this worse is the rule he is enforcing isn't even in the handbook/rulebook!
It is clear that the day shift staff and the director in particular play favorites and actively try to hurt the people they are supposed to be trying to help.
Thursday, December 20, 2018
God is unconscious or he is not looking eg not omniscient
Why God is not what we believe
him to be
(God is unconscious or he is not
looking eg not omniscient)
First
I have to explain about the "double slit experiment". Start
with a very sensitive controller for a light or electron beam and
shine it towards 2 slits rather close together. Let the light that
comes through the slits shine on a back panel. The result you see is
as pattern of black and white bands indicative of a wave with some
photons falling together in the white band(eg adding together) while
in the dark band the particles have canceled each other out (eg
subtracting together). This is well known and even expected, but what
happens when we slow down the number of "light packets"
called photons (or single electrons if you are using an electron gun)
until you are firing just 1 electron or 1 photon? Well nothing
changes you still
see
a wave.
This begs the question what interfered with the single
photon/electron? Being a rather smart experimenter you ask the
question what slit did the photon/electron go through? So you place a
detector over 1 of the slits and magically that pattern of wavy lines
is gone and in it's place is a shotgun pattern consistent with a
random number of dots hitting the screen is in it's place.
After
a long boring discussion about the nature of consciousness and where
the hell it is or is not. We end up concluding that consciousness
caused the change in the experiment. This means that if a conscious
mind observes something in a quantum state of Bi-location (this being
in many places at once) the waveform collapses into a particular
particle
and
single
position.
So
if an all knowing deity is observing us and all things all events are
known to him etc. Then this deities consciousness must have the same
effect as if you or I were looking at it. Since the wave is not
collapsed
we can conclude that God is not watching or God is not
conscious.
12-20-18
Here we go again yesterday I had my first official VA paid Dental appointment. SO I'm on my way!
Monday I went to Amy (enemy) and ask her if she could take me to the library again as I had two dvd's that I checked out and were overdue. She said she could not but that another staff might take me. Ok so when someone goes to take a client somewhere near the library I tell Damietta that I need to leave to drop off the DVD's. She says she has to ask (enemy) who says that I have to do it after 3PM
Well, Of course I can't get anyone to take me after 3pm and I am restricted to the grounds unless staff takes me. SO I wait until today, Thurs and ask the staff to take me by the library to drop of the DVD's when we go to Walmart (which I am allowed to do as it is a scheduled function). They say they cannot take me by the library. The Fines are now 28 dollars and go up by 4 dollars each day.
So Amy (enemy) is happy as she has hemmed me up by taking me somewhere and letting me check out books then not allowing me to return them. This I s the norm for the center first shift staff. On Tuesday the staff member Rebecca that teaches the TRP class that I MUST attend form 9 to 3 each day passed out handouts to be done and skipped me when I ask her for one she wouldn't give me one. So I took one and wrote that she made a lame attempt to hem me up by saying that I wasn't participating.
So Yesterday predictably, they took me to my dental appointment and then wouldn't pick me back up. I was 15 mins away and it took them with two vans and drivers 2 and 1/2 hours to get me.
This is why I canceled all my medical appointments and Never ask them to take me anywhere they are not taking others. They once took me to a medical appointment and never returned to get me after 3 hours I paid Sandy Valley to take me back. If they can in any way by trickery or by out right not doing their jobs cause me distress they will. It's sad really. But over time it makes me want to kill myself.
Monday I went to Amy (enemy) and ask her if she could take me to the library again as I had two dvd's that I checked out and were overdue. She said she could not but that another staff might take me. Ok so when someone goes to take a client somewhere near the library I tell Damietta that I need to leave to drop off the DVD's. She says she has to ask (enemy) who says that I have to do it after 3PM
Well, Of course I can't get anyone to take me after 3pm and I am restricted to the grounds unless staff takes me. SO I wait until today, Thurs and ask the staff to take me by the library to drop of the DVD's when we go to Walmart (which I am allowed to do as it is a scheduled function). They say they cannot take me by the library. The Fines are now 28 dollars and go up by 4 dollars each day.
So Amy (enemy) is happy as she has hemmed me up by taking me somewhere and letting me check out books then not allowing me to return them. This I s the norm for the center first shift staff. On Tuesday the staff member Rebecca that teaches the TRP class that I MUST attend form 9 to 3 each day passed out handouts to be done and skipped me when I ask her for one she wouldn't give me one. So I took one and wrote that she made a lame attempt to hem me up by saying that I wasn't participating.
So Yesterday predictably, they took me to my dental appointment and then wouldn't pick me back up. I was 15 mins away and it took them with two vans and drivers 2 and 1/2 hours to get me.
This is why I canceled all my medical appointments and Never ask them to take me anywhere they are not taking others. They once took me to a medical appointment and never returned to get me after 3 hours I paid Sandy Valley to take me back. If they can in any way by trickery or by out right not doing their jobs cause me distress they will. It's sad really. But over time it makes me want to kill myself.
12-16-18
12-16-18
Well, deceit and trickery once
again win the fucking Day!! I accidentally took 1 to many lyrica so
now they are going to use that probably coupled with me failing a UA
for siboxone and they will either kick me out immediately or in 30
days . I don't actually know how much ibuprophan it will take to kill
me but I will see if I have enough whenever I get my frigg'n WIFI
installed as I am not sure if I have enough. Otherwise I'll have to
use my knife it will be messy but I atleast won't be the one to have
to clean it up. What really kills me is that Coach (Rodney) signed
off on it. He knows I always ask him if I can take another before I
take it and he said yes. That means that he deliberately threw me under
the bus. Something must have motivated him to do this. So Rodney gets
credit for getting rid of me and that helps him with John. I really
thought Rodney was my friend and it hurts to find out that he wasn't,
I will hold on until tomorrow then I'll decide. So if the Christian
group I reached out to fails me and they kick me out on the spot.
Then I'll just commit suicide.
I'm just not sure if I want to
go on I think that going to tenn would be nice. I don't think I can
get the money together to get in a place before I'm kicked out of
here. I will just plan on being kicked out when what I really want to
do is die. I see no reason to go on. Sure there are a few things I'd
like to accomplish that I won't have done but believe I'll be
satisfied with that.
I will hope that I can get wifi
turned on then I can find out if what I have will be enough to do the
job. I hate having to be patient.
I kinda wanted Ethel because she
and I get along so well. But I think she is happy where she is so I
don't want her to have to choose between me and Duane. Why would I
want to drag someone into the kind of nightmare my life has been
recently?
I'm gonna take enough stuff to
knock me out now and I'll be groggy in the morning when all this shit
will happen.
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